confidence. or indifference.

i need to discipline myself. badly.

gotta put that extra effort in lectures. esp for the cprog module, even if the teacher can be quite a bitch at times. quizzes arent done, like for the one i just mentioned, along with post math and OH GOSH, the essay.

damn.

here i am wasting time and effort, typing away.

i wish i could stop time. or escape into an alternate dimension where a whole day i spend would only result in an hour passing by. i really really want more time to prepare myself for the auditions coming sun and mon, national winds and sp jazz band respectively.

i finally found time to try out the alto i borrowed from st gabs band yesterday, and i clearly lack playing time. ive been playing the tenor too for the past month, embouchure is forgotten. the last time i blew an alto was late january, (i consider only playing as a band, a proper practice) with cjc band. desperately need getting used to.

whats more, ive yet to select a piece for either auditions. ARGH!
need lots of help!

prayer!

its been a while too since the last post. lots of things has passed. school's been a month and im really into my course i guess. and birthday came too. had friends come over for a dinner/feast with the famly at home. pretty simple celebration but was real pleasure and great enjoyment.
dyed my hair as well though it aint too obvious. had band camp last weekend. it was... messy. but again a great time. got to know most of the bandmates and the games were okay luh. just wished didnt get that many forfeits on the first night... ugh.

in two more weeks it'll be the holidays, though it might be more of a study break. the mid sems test are on the first week back. darn! study study study hard brey!

thats all for now. all the best for the auditions. be confident or go through the whole process with a single thought, clear of all worries and emotions and whatever. like an android. hahahahaha.

nah, too extreme.

good luck..

Surprise!

it was pure joy.
fist pumping in the air.
guys screaming hysterically, dancing about right in front of the judges
who cares?

Gold.

congrats Exodus Band, y'all deserved this, Mr Lin deserved this, it was all through everyone's efforts to want success going to Exodus. Im proud to have been part of this band. its a wonderfully crazed pyscho group of boys performing miracles. hahah.( thats coz we always chiong at the end)

now that we have achieved this Gold, we gotta maintain the standard at least, but more or less look to set the bar even higher.

so continue to attend prac regularly luh.
cya all. take care!

EXODUS RULES

short.

band camp..

update the details some other time..

now using the sch com..

i miss my bed.. heh

but band camps arent too bad

grow up

who am i.

i seek the answer to my true self.

Hear My Prayer O Lord, And Let My Crying Come Unto Me.

Come Unto Me.

falling. failing?

2009 has been quite rough for me so far. i need to change myself as all the flaws in my character have caused chaos.

laziness will be the death of me.

i feel out of place whenever i visit the guys at st gab's band. i dunno how to help or improve my own section. i cant even play well anymore nor do i know wat it is that they could do to sound better, im not a hundred percent sure how to guide them. sometime i feel like im juz there to kill time. i miss playing the most. i find joy in performing with friends during concerts. letting them enjoy listening to us.the success we share when we go for competitions like the syf. and juz hanging out together, fooling around.

really miss it so much.

i also havent been taking care of my body much. im already rather average in height and i cant seem to sleep early and have long peaceful hours of rest. stupid habit needs to go. im bloody heavy too. my weight exceeds the appropriate rang for my damn bloody short of length from head to toe,.

screw that. lazybug has fully invaded my system, im falling apart bit here and there.

gotta pull myself together. school's starting in a month, gotta be serious now.

im on the ground. i fell, time to pick me self up. failed here and there, time to get something right somewhere.

speaking of falling.. i dunno if i have.. or its juz one of them lil jokes called infatuations..

damn these crushes to the heart. like i wanna hav more things at night to keep me awake.

if i were to mention to you three words. as you gave me some comfort in my life. shared part of yourself. and allowed me to do the same. would this juz break away and reveal itself as juz my imagination..? im scared. a coward. i'll hang on to this for now.

slow and easy

at the moment i wish the days could pass by more quickly.. but things are quite fine the way it is.. i kinda gave up on the sales job that AK and i tried out for.. so now i spend my free time helping out the band.

their syf is on the first day, band number 5, juz after the interval... there aint much time left.. but i believe they could just pull it off. Gabrielites generally always 'chiong' when it comes to exams and competitions.. heh..

going back and watchin them practice makes me miss playing in the band a lot. it isnt the same sitting there and giving a few pointers here and there. though at times, yes the practices do get dull. playing the same thing over and over.. the reward is fantastic, totally cancels out watever negative feeling.. haha

if the attitude is there, you can achieve just about anything.. a friend of mine was so determined and set his mind to run 10km daily. went through this routine for 3 months and dang, he looks in real great shape.. 30 kg burned mind you... heh.

haha.. now i should really stop being too lazy..

tired mind

i am unable to have a proper sleep cycle. i find myself constantly going to bed past midnight. whenever i try to fall asleep earlier, itoss and turn as i attempt to drown out thoughts that appear. my mind keeps generating situations of 'what if?' its driving me mad. thus i counter this by going to bad when im sure my mind is really worn out, and once i hit the sack, i just drift into a less peaceful state of rest. sometimes i do not feel tired enough and here i go again, pick up a book to get that sleepy feeling.then i rise from my slumber round mid day. i wanna take sleeping pills to force myself to revert to a better sleep cycle (if i ever did in the first place) im getting sick of doing nothing each day too. i kinda miss the schedules that shape each day of my life. my body and mind is used to waking up getting dressed for sch going through lessons at this time of the year. hmm, weird.. that makes me sound like i miss sch. maybe.i know i miss playing in band. playing on the alto. im too used to that routine. i may be lazy and have some sort of happy go lucky attitude, but i don't think i would go that far. i feel absoulutely like a slob. the pc games are addictive and do help kill of time. but thanks to my parents upbringing, i do not feel that much of a-dick-tive towards these form of escape from the present. id rather play them than do nothing. i can go out too. but then most of the ppl i know are in school.. or working.. Ahh- i could have found a job. yeah, but due to a chain of events which so far made me feel the BIGGEST loser of this whole affair, im relying on parents for the spare cash to spend. recently i revived my bike. brought it out for a spin. i welcome the exercise, my body seem to have forgotten the physical pleasures excessive movements that causes all that sweat to make clothings sling to skin, the odour that comes soon after, relief of accomplishment, and hammering of a fistsized muscle-balloon against ribs. as though one is blindly hitting a xylophone. i want to play the guitar but i know i am limitedly skilled. singing songs alone make me feel as though im deranged. choir is good. though somewhat i get this feeling, umcomfortable. theres also 'that' feeling.. wont mention it at all. -pass- hmm... ive been on facebook so often that its getting irritating. esp with lots of the status reminding more of 'what if?' i used to play on the xbox while it was still around. now its the laptop. reading is better but its hard to find stuff that will hold ur interest in the library. and to buy 'emat popular? why yes, $$$$$. im getting lazy that i can even change my mind easily when i told myself and friends we're going out on this day. pang seh ah? then i'd feel guilty and haul my lazy arse outta the door. sorry melv. now im sitting thinkung that i wanna go back to stgabs and check out the band's syf preparations.. but my lazyness is clouding the confirm button in my head. wahh.. somehow i think lots of this is caused by me still being a lil upset. i was hoping i could get into CJC. though the subject combo may suck and all, i know i can do pretty well. i keep telling myself screw that, but theres still that bitter taste in my mouth, no matter how many glasses of water i drain. gotta find something stronger then.. not wanting to stop typing on a flat key. i cant wait to start school i guess. aeronautical engineering seems preety cool. its the only thing that really sparked my interest aside the whole darn list of poly courses. and i got it at SP. that aint too bad.. its still about a month plus. thats a lot of time. no fun doing nuting and go waste it.

hmm.

bullcrap

when things don't go the way you wish it would. some say there's a reason behind it, that its part of a plan.

doesnt help numb the bittersweet disappointment that swelled up deep within. fuck that.

Unopened Letter To The World

1. Put your music on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy doing the memo as well as the person you got the memo from.
P/S. NO CHEATING!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Nobody's Home - Avril Lavigne
~ haaha

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
My Paper Heart - The All-American Rejects
~ huh

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Check Yes Juliet - We The Kings
-.- whut?

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Whoa - Paramore
~WOAH

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Decoy - Paramore
~ huh...

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
The Quiet - We The kings
~ yeah.. i guess

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
The Dance Of Eternity - Dream Theatre
~ naw..

WHAT IS 2+2?
Gavorkna Fanfare - symphonic band music
~ HAHA

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
My Happy Ending -Avril Lavigne
~ thats cant be good....

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Five minutes to midnight - Boys Like girls
~ err

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Always Be My Baby - David Cook
~ ....

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
It Ends Tonight - The All-American Rejects
~ HUH!!!

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Into The Night - Santana feat. Chad Kroeger
~ not a bad option?

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Your Call - Secondhand Serenade
~ whut?

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Life Is Easy - Urbandub
~ err. i dun think it is, otherwise.....

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Another Day - Dream Theatre
~ live to see another day.

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Perfect World - Simple Plan
~ ....

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
The Great Escape - Boys like Girls
~ yeah, to go through each day's obstacles while having a great time

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Hold On - Jonas Brothers
~ dunno.. be gay? oh no..

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
(un)FOUND - Trinity Church soundtrack
~ the lyrics are pretty meaningful

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
The Bright Side - Dave Koz (saxophonist)
~ hahaha...

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
There Is - Boxcar Racer
~ hmm

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Hero - Nickelback
~thats not so bad..

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Love is on the way - Dave Koz (saxophonist)
~WOAH! haha..

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Pressure - Paramore
~ aww..

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Stop this Song (lovesick melody) - Paramore
~ i wonder... haha

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Fatal Tragedy - Dream Theatre
~ yeah, esp if its someone i know, cared for..

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Face Down - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
~ erm....

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY, WHEN YOU MEET YOUR BOSS?
Unwell - Matchbox 20
~ HAHA, I WANNA TAKE ONE MONTH LEAVE PLEASE, THANKS

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Unopened Letter To The World - The Ataris

cross my fingers.

its the start of school for those posted to their respective junior colleges. i was posted to aeronautical engineering in Singapore Poly. no complaints, it was my first choice cuz i couldnt put any JCs in my 12 choices..

back then i thought it would require a miracle for me to somehow continue my education in a JC due to me getting a -9 for my french. and yes i was right, the miracle was a group of people.. my friends have somehow helped me see some faint glowing hope. now ive done what i could. at least i wont regret not taking any sort of action. now i juz have to wait. and pray too.