falling. failing?

2009 has been quite rough for me so far. i need to change myself as all the flaws in my character have caused chaos.

laziness will be the death of me.

i feel out of place whenever i visit the guys at st gab's band. i dunno how to help or improve my own section. i cant even play well anymore nor do i know wat it is that they could do to sound better, im not a hundred percent sure how to guide them. sometime i feel like im juz there to kill time. i miss playing the most. i find joy in performing with friends during concerts. letting them enjoy listening to us.the success we share when we go for competitions like the syf. and juz hanging out together, fooling around.

really miss it so much.

i also havent been taking care of my body much. im already rather average in height and i cant seem to sleep early and have long peaceful hours of rest. stupid habit needs to go. im bloody heavy too. my weight exceeds the appropriate rang for my damn bloody short of length from head to toe,.

screw that. lazybug has fully invaded my system, im falling apart bit here and there.

gotta pull myself together. school's starting in a month, gotta be serious now.

im on the ground. i fell, time to pick me self up. failed here and there, time to get something right somewhere.

speaking of falling.. i dunno if i have.. or its juz one of them lil jokes called infatuations..

damn these crushes to the heart. like i wanna hav more things at night to keep me awake.

if i were to mention to you three words. as you gave me some comfort in my life. shared part of yourself. and allowed me to do the same. would this juz break away and reveal itself as juz my imagination..? im scared. a coward. i'll hang on to this for now.