hmm. Zzz. random crap.

it gets a lil dull. only thing bringing me back is mainly habbit and lack of things to do as a substitute. another reason is juz the sheer pleasure, joy and satisfaction. haha. i realise im getting arrogant. still got a long way to go brey... though sometimes i feel like wanting to take charge luh. its really how much im gettin a lil bored and feelin a twinge of irritation. hmm. it gets to me too when i know im not doing fine in wat im doing. and most of the time i fall hard and flat out. difficult to get back on my feet too. im lucky that i get help and support somehow. havin some sort of ego help get outta some situation. and a lack of it on occasions tend to make me feel suicidal. haha. anyhow, i need to do my own research and find time for self improvement. im too lazy esp when im at home. that extra bit that makes ordinary, extraordinary. average to outstanding. im wanna. but not consistent. i gotta work my ass to reach the stars. its a good form of distraction too. though i dun mind being hooked into something else as well. i can juggle. i think. if not, im learning how to now.